queen bee vs. the worker bee

to whomever i am writing this blog for (myself? my friends? a potential Google employee that decides to hire me for my engaging written voice and creative brain- le sigh, i could only wish-but, i will keep dreaming! ((just like the heros (hero’s, heroes?(shit, i’m a horrid english major, double shit, ex/graduated english major)/inspirational people tell me too!)),

wow, okay. you’ve probably stopped reading already, but i’m really not one for editing. i take the organic approach. anyways, to round out my summer, i’ve decided to do something to make me feel like not only an accomplished english major, but an accomplished educated citizen of this fine country. i sorta feel like i’m writing a manifesto here. Apostrophe to the Dadaists. Harken, Mr. Tristan Tzara. But, i am going to read Ulysses by James Joyce. This is coming from the girl whose bookcase has every unread classic you could dream of, unread text books and then the chick lit that is annotated like Tristan Tzara’s Manifesto should have been.

I am in the process of ordering it now (cue in Amazon). I saw it at Barnes and Noble and I just couldn’t rationalize the sole cool copy for $30. And no, I wasn’t gonna buy the Barnes and Noble edition. If I’m gonna read fucking Ulysses, I’m gonna fucking read the cool version of it. And really, I am in no rush, I still need to brush up on my Greek Mythology first. In preparation for that, I will turn towards one of my all time favorite books, (thank you for inspiring me in grade 5, Mr. Wind), the D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths. My go-to Oxford Dictionary of Illusions (again, unread…Wikipedia is faster). My name is stickered in the book with my dolphin address labels- tag in my 10 year old self. Sigh.

How am i gonna choose which one now with so many blasted options?


Now is not the time or place to go into how much I hate Kindle, but i will throw it out there. There is nothing better then holding a book. E-books do nothing for me. (yes, you idiots, i love jstor (it’s the only way i somehow graduated with honors) and all the other lovely electronic resources, but for pleasure reading/free reading/ whatever, a paperback or hardback book is unparalleled (not very good at spelling either).

i want you to be able to figure out what my blog’s title means and references, i can’t share with you my soul without leaving a slight aura of mystery- i mean that’s no fun, is it? 

i don’t like capitalization, unless it’s for effect. i enjoy sass and sarcasm. i wish i could paint and sing. i love the beautiful things in life, and not the beautiful-in-their-own way things. i mean like a Chanel handbag, Guerlain lipstick, Ryan Goslings. Beautiful things. Beautiful people. Beautiful places. and wine. i do like wine.

alright, well, time to get ready for tonight. bittersweet to be done with college, anticipating the move to san francisco… ill brainstorm my pre-ulysses studying whilst in the shower (how many greek myths per day is okay/beneficial?)

here’s to wishing that i spent more time emailing fellow trojans/job hunting then i do reading #scholarlyproblems -kml

Preface: No, i am not some weirdo foster the people groupie. No, i’m not some wanna be crazy audiophile that discovered foster the people x+2xyz years ago. And you know what, i don’t even own their album on itunes (cue in Spotify!). But, do not let this discourage my credibility!! (i had phoenix Way before you did, ha). First things first. HOW am i not tired of pumped up kicks? Fine, yes, i am that girl that still blares it in the car.. i know.. But, it’s not only that. Whenever im at work on my computer (umm, all day long) foster’s playin over and over and over. i have yet to grow weary. What the fuck is wrong with me?

But, here’s the thing- i’m not the only denizen that is experiencing this. It’s like a fucking foster craze in la. Everyone loves them. Bars light up when foster comes on, i might have died a little bit when i saw them at oustide lands (cue in the unexpected weezer cover-melt/cheer/dance/melt), and i find that everyone is asking themselves the same thing- how am i/we/you/they not tired of them. Have foster the people done the unthinkable- created something authentically catchy and beloved by the youth (very not PC here, justt go with it) of america? I can’t place too many that do not (at least) like them for legitimate reasons… Hehe, they just like to be anti establishment, anti mainstream, emofabulous.. Whatever. But anyways, i digress. 

Take Waste. Is it because I want to tell this guy I like to “Call it what you want?” Hmmm? #gottalovethesecretgirlfriend. TOTAL t.swift moment right there, sigh. I already threw out a minor shoutout to Foster saying how ‘that rat race ladder-climbing fake-face smile’s got nothing on me.’ Chee heee. Let’s keep going..’And everyday that you want to waste, you can; and everyday that you want to wake up, you can; and everyday that you want to change; i’ll help you see it through because i just really want to be with you.” How lovely is that? Honestly. No sass, no sarcasm. Honest sincerity. It’s lovely. 

Le sigh, take last night. I was at a bar and i asked the dj (wanna be dj as he did not comply with my sweet request) to play Helena Beat (they had just played some cool remix of Pumped Up Kicks (see, I don’t even know who did the remix))… I heard Helena on the radio the other day.. Soo it’s mainstream now; ergo, it can be played at some stupid bar. Clearly, i was denied (yes, there is a glimmer of hostility). I loved houdini the most before i became obsessed with this song (and yes, a few months ago, okay, before it was all over itunes). And maybe i should do my homework and figure out what exactly they’re tryna say- but art, music, literature- the beauty is that meaning is found with the beholder (aha Lord Byron, you dog!)…Aka: you (me/the listener) cannot be passive. For me this song is about all of our lives. We’ve all sipped poison (cue in t.swift moment x2), sometimes life does take us by the hand and put us down. And we all have wanted to choose to not get outta bed and just get lost in our heads. And fuck, i do that too often as is. And ya, just for the record, the video scares the shit outta me. But it’s real isn’t it..?

And what about a little shoutout to “i would do anything for you.” And no, this isn’t my love letter to monsieur foster begging him to love me. Eveeeen though he does follow one of my friends from high school on twitter (and no, he doesn’t follow me)… Haha, over it.. Maybe. But again, it’s the ideal isn’t it, for some guy to say this to you (total girly moment)- “oooh la love, i’ve fallen in love and it’s better this time than ever before… and it’s better this time than i’ve ever known.” And he doesn’t even sound like he’s a. desperado, b. tryna way too hard, c. a line. No, it’s sincere. Le sigh. 

Moving on, i love the entire album, but i’m gonna put her there for now. 

I’m willing to put some coin on it that foster the people are much more tired of themselves then we are. However, the amount of charity work they do is not only extremely appreciated, but also very inspiring. They are fostering the people- i’m proud to be a fan- this is my way of showing it. 

By the way, to those of you reading this, thank you all for your likes & follows. They mean a great deal to me. With that said, I’m gonna X out of Spotify now so they don’t think I’m completely crazy, stalker, obsessive, (insert any other synonym). Because, ya, sometimes i wanna disappear.  -kml

What a picture: President Bush and President Obama standing, side by side, at the Twin Towers Memorial. Today, we as Americans truly stand united. Take a moment to stop harassing each other over conflicting political beliefs, and bickering about whether or not Bush was right or wrong, and, plain and simple, just be thankful for our great country. Have empathy towards those that died, and for those that live amidst war and bloodshed everyday. Americans all around the world are doing things to remember 9/11/2011. From what my friends are posting on Facebook and Twitter to the Times; here’s a few posts that stood out to me that i’d like to share with you:  

Alex, “Live your life for those who 10 years ago lost their chance to. Work hard, Play hard, and Love. If not for yourself, do it for them.”/

“10 years ago today our nation was shaken by one of the worst tragedies in history. We should never forget those awful events on September 11, 2001, nor the hard work and sacrifice of the New York Fire Department and other rescue crews who risked their own lives to try and save others. Thanks the hard work of people like this, the United States is still strong!”/

President Obama, “These past 10 years have shown that America does not give in to fear”/ 

Danny is a proud American/

Yen: born American, will die American/ 

So many lives were taken ten years ago today. Take take a minute to remember all the loved ones who died or who helped save lives 09/11/2001. My heart goes out to all of you/

President Obama, from Psalm 46: “God is our refuge and strength”/

JFK: ‎”Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty”/

See Sam Lewis’s facebook picture/

“Thank you to all the brave men and women who ran in while everybody ran out, have fought and are still fighting. You and your families are in our hearts and our prayers. Do not ever forget”/

The Times reckoning of the decade’s costs and consequences, measured in thousands of lives, trillions of dollars and countless challenges to the human spirit…/

The Times: “…Years of grieving and war. But recall, too, the hour of human decency.”

In loving memory of the great men and women lost. We’ll be great for you. And we won’t forget you. -kml

Paul Gauguin (2.0) says (in Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris), “ Nostalgia is denial - denial of the painful present… the name for this denial is golden age thinking - the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one ones living in - its a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.”

What are we to do about the ever-present illusion plauging us that a life different from our own is better? Thank you Woody for Midnight In Paris. Woods himself was even able to rebuke his compulsive romanticism for a moment by critiquing his own personal obsession with the past. We all know that he is notoriously licentious when it comes to expessing disconnect from American life. Maybe it’s just us artsy folk that feel a bit more infiltrated in the past..? But, I really do not think so. 

I love a Woody Allen film. Complete aside, let’s take for instance Match Point. Ooh lala, Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Morever, if this film had to undergo a DNA test it would certainly not be labelled an Allen. Aside over. I loved Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers. I very much like the movies that Rachel McAdams has been in, and she, somehow, is able to mack with thee hottest boys possible (like, ohmygod, ryan gosling). Reuniting them again- their acting capacities and CV’s well-known at this point by the American movie-goer set up a perfect characterization for Allen. He could juxtapose the serious with the funny, in essence create a fantastical romantic comedy, that is very real and pretty believable. It’s no coincidence that we’ll never be able to take Owen Wilson seriously and Rachel McAdams plays the same role over and over and over again. We like her, but we never like her enough- ya know? Great casting. 

But here’s our hero, Gil, choosing to return to the past every night to figure out what to do in the present (I’m not gonna give away the film though, but the ending is oh so good…So keep reading!!)

Miss Cotillard commands the camera every moment. She is the perfect cast for Picasso’s mistress, Adriana. Her statement, “I’m from the ’20s, and I’m telling you the golden age is la Belle Epoque.” It resonates, doesn’t it. I’d love life to look like a film outta the 1940’s sometimes. But, hey, it’s not gonna be like that. Good thing Halloween is coming up. 

Let’s continue our trek… There is the setting itself. Paris. The city of lights. The city of luuurve. This is the seductive paris of black and white fashionable portraits of the arrodissements. There’s a poster of Allen’s city in every girl’s dorm room and it’s on every college kid’s ‘places to go whilst backpacking through europe’ list. 

In the 1830’s many aspriring Americans set sail for Paris hoping to divulge themselves in art, literature, medicine, etc. etc. etc. Courage is what it took back then. We forget that Paris was plagued with cholera and a lot of poverty. No thank you. But, yet, it’s architecture is famous and beautiful. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s subliminal, but it’s close. And it certainly has the ability to scream romance. 

Midnight In Paris is a lovely film because it is whimsical, yet we know exactly what is going on… Yet, we’re still transported. Woods doesn’t even need to give us a reason for how (logistically/scientifically speaking) Gil is able to transcend time. But of course he is able to do so in the midnight hour. Woods is playing with one of the most reverred symbols to date. But, there is something romantic and alluring about the hour of midnight, isn’t there? Thanks to Cinderella, Polyjuice Potions, Poe & his “once upon a midnight dreary, as i pondered weak and weary”, I’m sure something in the Twilight saga happens at midnight, oh, and then there is, of course, the super salacious connotations… Or, how about back in the day when we were young saplings yearning to stay up until midnight. I could go on forever.

But all of this gets me thinking- why we so revere these romantic notions? Why are we (me, maybe you, lotsa people) so enamored by the past? Let’s take that one step further- what about beautiful things, beautiful people, beautiful places, beautiful pictures, etc. etc. etc. I certainly am- just look at my blog posts & photosets. I feel at times as if I am organizing my life in order to be picture-perfect. That anyone can hipstamatic it and produce a fab photograph to share on instagram. It seems like this photo hipstamatic-sharing-crowd that loves Free People catalogues and polaroids and Chanel and peonies and Audrey Hepburn and shabby chiq and Blair Waldorf and fields of daisies and abandoned italian villas… they all have something in common. Maybe its not nostalgia in a Woody Allen sense (he’s pretty fucking nostalgic)… But, it’s something. For me, it’s because I like to maintain appearance, I think. I like my friends to copy my style, my interests and the things I like. Even though I actually really hate when people copy me- it is flattering, but like come on… Find your own niche. God I’m a walking paradox. We are bombarbed by a menagerie of images and advertistements daily- it’s no wonder we cling to the beauty of life. 

I’ve rambled long enough, let me leave you with this, young jaded creature, be charmed. The medium of cinema is magical, this film reminds us of beauty, age and living in the moment… and the cliches that bombard us everyday. And, do not forget, Hemingway. Let me leave you (i promse!) with his wisdom (and it’s not even alcohol related this time), ”If it’s bad, I’ll hate it. If it’s good, then I’ll be envious and hate it even more. You don’t want the opinion of another writer.” Pure poetry. -kml

I was in the car driving home from Starbucks when my best friend texted me that Steve Jobs died today. I checked FB, Twitter, CNN— Sure enough, my friends’ #SteveJobs statuses were blowing up everywhere. First feeling: Oh my GOD. Second feeling: Isn’t it strange how someone that has no idea that I exist has affected me so much. Forget me. The impact that a single man had on the entire world is truly unbelievable. Steve Jobs is a household name. The last few years have been run on Apple products.

“Stay hungry, Stay Foolish.” My motivational mantra. At times, it truly is nearly impossible to follow though, isn’t it? 

Today, I was feeling absolutely depressed with the state of my life. Some stupid guy is being a complete asshole to me, and, honestly, let’s get real I couldn’t bring myself to accomplish anything of substance today. Pathetic. It really are moments like this that have the capacity to wake you up. Because a second later, here’s a snapshot of my thought process as I stumble back into reality. “COME ON KELLY. GROW THE FUCK UP AND DO SOMETHING. AND FOR GOD’S SAKE- STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!” YouTube vids, articles, tweets, statuses. Today marks the death of one of the worlds’ most influential dreamers, but look at him! He is STILL making a difference. He’s making a difference by igniting a spark in all of us today. SJ told us that, “You’ve got to find what you love. That’s as true for your work as it is for your lovers. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking, don’t settle. Stay hungry, stay foolish.” We have to. “If you don’t love it, you’re going to fail.” Our time is limited, so it’s time to own up and stop wasting it living someone else’s life. 

In 2005 he told us that, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.” 

Steve Jobs, thank you for not only my iPhone, MacBook Pro, iPod… and for making me wish I had an iPad more than anything, but also, thank you for reminding us that we can change the world. Passion. We forget about this sometimes. It’s the key to love, it’s the key to life. We (well, at least this goes for me) forget it really are the little moments that have the capacity to define who we are, what we want and who we should be. We forget to pursue happiness.

Today, we remember someone who changed the world. Who is going to deny that the world is immeasurably not better because of Steve Jobs? He reminds us that with passion- by staying hungry and staying foolish- and by not settling, we too can have a big impact. 

Let me leave you with this. Steve said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. You have to trust that somehow the dots will connect in your future. You have to trust in something- your gut, your destiny, fate, karma, whatever- because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference.”

Let’s go out and change the world. The dots are going to eventually connect. You will be missed, SJ; but, from one big dreamer to another, thank you for everything. -kml